Tonight I took flowers to Liam's grave. My mom was so generous and put together three planters for me: one for Liam, one for my Aunt Rose, just next to him, and one for my first random act of kindness. The Miss Foundation sells little cards that say "This random act of kindness done in memory of our beautiful child____". I filled in Liam's name, and walked around and around the cemetery to find the right grave. I don't know what I was looking for, but I prayed that the flowers would be found by the family. I pray that it will touch their heart and that even for just one moment they'll feel God's love.
The sunset was beautiful as I stood by his grave. It's so bizarre and incomprehensible. Why is my child there in the earth and not in my arms? He should be almost 3 months old. This should be his first Easter. I should be searching high and low for the perfect blue seersucker outfit for church on Sunday. Instead I brought him miniature daffodils, pansys and forget-me-nots. My heart aches for the day that I will be with him in heaven.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." Revalation 21:4
On the way home I listened to Mumford & Sons "Sigh No More". Almost every song on that album reminds me of Liam or our journey through grief in one way or another, but the one that touches me the most is After the Storm.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.